I have not blogged in over a month. I tried, 3 different times; but it was forced and never going anywhere. I have been back in Florence for almost 3 weeks and my month in NYC seems like a fuzzy dream. Since being back, I have found out my American job is changing drastically and for me to stay on I would have to move back. Move back. That's right. Back to America. The horror, the anxiety, the sadness....I was a bit paralyzed by the thought.
I immediately began to explore all options of the next livelihood that could keep me here, help me sustain my peaceful new life. Fact: It is not easy to get work in this country. Another Fact: I make a nice amount of money designing product for the US masses. (This is 25 points off my value rating in the eyes of the Italians.) Most important fact: The Italians don't pay worth a damn. At this rate, I will never own a home or be able to afford a ticket back to the states more then maybe once a year. AND it's not like one can move up through the ranks and work towards the bigger and better. I wish I had lower expectations. I wish I didn't love my maid and my spontaneous getaways so much. I wish I would be happy without. I wish I could accept what my future in-laws consider good enough. I just had so many dreams and visions of how life would be. I am trying to sketch a new scene but I cannot seem to put pen to paper. Should I stay or should I go?